Leaving 2020 behind, welcoming 2021 in. (image by Shauna Millar)

As we slowly limp toward the end of 2020, watching the slow drag of the hands on the clock tick away, perhaps it is time to reflect on this past year. Sometimes moving forward means looking back to see where we have come from to help us analyze the things we did right and wrong. In the hope of not making the same mistakes as well as keeping our good memories in tact.

I will go first. In order for me to introduce you to my year in 2020, I have to go back a couple of months to 2019…

We Need to Be Willing to Open Ourselves to Differences

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

‘Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover’ is Something Often Heard but Rarely Practiced.

I am so glad I live in a country where we base our opinions on facts rather than media bias. Where we see people for their actions, not the elegance of their speech. Where we do not use memes to make our decisions about who people are. For we are all perfect people who don’t say stupid things or act like idiots at any time. Where we can easily cast stones based on what other people have said about someone, rather than taking the time find out for ourselves, not…

Learn to live with depression before it can overtake you

Photo by Isaac Castillejos on Unsplash

I don’t know when depression moved into my life. I can’t pinpoint the exact time or date. I know that for most of my life I have been fighting it in one form or another. I even married a man who admitted not only to being depressed but having constant suicidal thoughts.

One of the biggest issues with depression is we don’t want to talk about it. We don’t want our family to know because they will worry. We don’t want our boss and/or Co-workers to know because it will…

A beautiful outside doesn’t always translate to a beautiful inside

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

Women the world round fight with the idea of not being beautiful. Even women who are drop-dead gorgeous on the outside, don’t necessarily find that view coming from the inside. I stand in front of a mirror and look at myself. I am not beautiful. I am not even pretty. I am cute. I know this because they have told me my entire life that I am cute.

I can find every flaw in myself. Everything out of place. I find the qualities that the media doesn’t translate to being anything special. I am used to it. …

Are you building for yesterday, today or tomorrow?

Man sitting stair and waiting.
Man sitting stair and waiting.
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Here is the thing I am learning rather quickly. I need to stop freaking out about tomorrow and focus on today. Yesterday I made mistakes and it is easy to focus on those too.

My distractions come in the form of future tripping. How will I pay my bills? What things can I sacrifice not doing to be able to buy food? Gas? Go on a trip? How will I focus my energy when I have all these things floating around my head that I am worried about? How do I stop worrying?

I put a lot of pressure on…

We make mistakes when we don’t know what we are doing.

The sky the day of his memorial service.

Here are a few things I would like to share with you. Death is something that reaches out and touches us, whether we want it to or not. When it is someone in our immediate family; in particular a spouse, child, lover, etc. We generally aren’t prepared.

  1. When you lose someone, don’t do anything.
  2. Impulse is not your friend
  3. Losing someone is painful enough, don’t add regret to the mix.
  4. We don’t all grieve the same way.

Don’t DO anything.

The first thing that happened after the initial shock of my husband’s death; I went into hibernation mode. I was…

Five things I have learned

Things I have learned about grief in the last three years
Things I have learned about grief in the last three years

It is coming up on three years since I lost my husband. September 1st. It almost taunts me at times. Every day I get a bit more together.

Here are the things I have learned about grief;

It never goes away. Never.

There is a truth that time will ease the pain. I am not convinced that it will ever completely heal the wound. There will always be a scar on your heart. The pain of loss is something I am learning to co-exist with.

I would like to say I have learned to live with it but that isn’t true. When I think…

I look at you and see your face engrossed at the moment. Steadfastly you concentrate on becoming a better you. I watch you talk to other people, how you inspire them with both your wit and wisdom. How you reassure them with your presence.

In the simplest of moments, when you think no one is watching, you show kindness. You can be gruff on the outside and people may feel they can’t approach you.. until they do. Then they realize how open you are. How much you are willing to share your life experience and listen to theirs. …

Sometimes we take “home” for granted. We say things like, “home is where the heart is”, “home is where you hang your hat”, “home is where you come from.” This, to me, signifies that ‘home’ is an intangible idea that means different things to different people.

Recently, I discovered I don’t know where my home is. Simply put, my other half passed away close to three years ago. My heart went with him. I have no physical location, as I decided to abandon ship when this happened and moved to my grandmother’s home in another state. Removing myself from the…


I found my heart beats differently for you than for anyone else. I get excited to see you and my joy overflows. When you don’t share that enthusiasm, my heart breaks a little. A small crack, a small fracture, with time it will get bigger and harder to hide.

The thing is, I don’t blame you for not sharing my feelings. I knew from the start that I am not the one you want or long for. Yet, I told myself it was okay to feel this way. I wanted to show you love so you could experience it…

Shauna Millar

Student of life; mother, widow, sister, daughter, friend. Writing, photographing and exploring the world around me. Rediscovering life. www.meicanunlimited.com

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